Pros And Cons For Surrogacy

A Double Father's Day For This Local Family

What made you decide to adopt?

Neal: I always knew that I wanted to be in a stable relationship, and I wanted have children. My parents had divorced and both remarried, but as a child of divorce, establishing a stable home of my own was important. It was just a question of meeting a like-minded person with similar values. It was important for me to be with someone who shared the same sense of dignity and self-worth and who wanted to be a parent. Hugh and I both talked about this, but we didn’t rush into it. When we finally agreed to start the process, we’d been together for over six years.

Hugh: Once Neal and I had a relationship that felt not only loving but also resilient, my longing to have a child kicked in.  I’d thought about it at various points in my life, but hadn’t yet reached the emotional maturity and life situation that made it feel possible. For us, having a child came to feel natural, and I suspect our evolution in our decision to have a child was for the most part very much like that of any other couple.  The gay piece was a factor in how to go about it, but really just that.  We wanted a child to love and take care of. How did you come to have Towey? And is Towey her original name?

Neal: We did an open adoption, which was handled through Adoptions From the Heart in Pennsylvania. We made the final decision in December of 2002. We approached the agency in January of 2003, and by July we had completed our home study, background checks, FBI clearance. We’d written a “Dear Birth Mom” letter, and made a “Dear Birth Mom” video. The latter turned out to be so emotionally intense, we were both in tears by the end. The agency placed us in their book in August, and on November 13 I got a call saying that we had been selected by a birth family. We met them on December 1, and the baby was born on December 23, about three weeks before she was due. By December 25, she was officially ours.

Towey is her original and only name. It’s my mother-in-law’s maiden-name. It’s Gaelic, and coincidentally means the “chosen one.” Her middle name is Furaha, which is Kiswahili for “Joy.”

What are the pros and cons of an open adoption?

Neal: We were familiar with the adoption process because our close friends, Curtis and Jenna, had successfully traveled that road. Fostering was eliminated from the get-go because it was so uncertain. Surrogacy was briefly considered. We wanted a newborn and [for] that adoption was the most realistic. Domestic, over foreign, presented the least challenges. We found an agency in Pennsylvania that had an African-American program that desperately needed adoptive parents. It was an open adoption program, which we felt was the best for the child.

The Pros and Cons of Surrogacy - WAHM.com

It's important that you and your spouse discuss the pros and cons of surrogacy before you decide to start the process. There are plenty of couples who find it difficult to conceive or start a family. Although adopting a baby is an option, choosing a surrogate mother has its own advantages as it allows the parents to be biologically connected to the child. But, since this is a life changing decision, you must keep the pros and cons in mind when making a choice.

Pros of Surrogacy

If you decide to choose a surrogate mother to start your family, you get to be a part of your baby's conception. You also become genetically linked to the child. If you have tried different fertility treatments and you still can't conceive, you could consider surrogacy as another alternative to adoption. Although there are several surrogacy agencies that will help you find the ideal surrogate mother, you can choose to do your research on your own to avoid paying a huge sum of money to the agency. However, there may be risks involved if you choose to work independently. To avoid these hassles, it may be wise to get in touch with an agency to do the work on your behalf.

Cons of Surrogacy

You may have to spend nearly $5,000 or more to get an agency to find a surrogate mother for you. You will also have to bear the cost of prenatal care and medical examinations. You must perform a thorough background check on the surrogate mother you choose and also carry out complete medical checks so that know you're choosing the right person. Risks are always involved when a surrogacy contract is signed. You may change your mind even after the contract has been signed due to unforeseen circumstances.

You should find out more about the law pertaining to surrogacy in your state. While it's acceptable to pay the surrogate mother a specific sum of money for carrying your child, this gesture may be illegal in some states.

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